Dear Instigatorzine,
I’ve been staring at my computer all day, with an urge, a desire, to write something for the “special” issue. However my writing has resulted in this: writing you a letter. Though in so many ways I am not surprised that this is what I have come to. I have been writing letters on and off throughout the year, and it has become, as I now realize, the only way I write anymore.
Originally I was going to submit a piece I wrote about a couple who’s in love, but nothing really happens in that story. Nothing tragic or heartbreaking or anything really, it just moves, it just is; though that’s why I love it. But then I decided I wanted to write something new. I thought about writing a story about my friend who passed away this month two years ago, but it is still too hard to say the things we long to say but are afraid to face. So I sit here instead writing you a letter listening to Bon Iver.
Isn’t it funny how music always has perfect timing? I know it will be a good day when Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing comes on, it’s always a sign for something greater. And it’s amazing how music can have that effect on you. So much more powerful than a novel, a song with lyrics that swoon and a rhythm that is infectious, within a five minute period can alter your existence.
As I write this letter I am also working on a mix tape for a friend of mine. A “life” mix and it is about the ups and downs. The overwhelming sadness that can embody us to the point of comatose and the joy, the immense over thrilling joy life can give us. A mix tape to say that though we have these moments of loss, sadness, and a desire to retreat into our hovels (if we are so fortunate to have one) in the end there is always a rainbow and if we are lucky it’ll be a double rainbow.
So dear Instigatorzine, while I couldn’t find the words to form together that will give you a poem or a story I found enough to write you a letter. So I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a desire to write something new, for giving me an urge to find another level of myself. Thank you for making me open up my laptop and stare at the screen trying to form something. And thank you for giving me a need to open up my poetry book again and begin to write, even if it isn’t very good.
Maybe one day I will make you a mixtape.
Love,
Me
